“Addiction runs in our family.” That is a phrase that I heard a lot growing up. Luckily I was able to avoid the disease in my family. Others in life are not so lucky. Alcohol is something we as a society turn to because it is so easy to access and made to look like something that would make you happy. Think of all of the Budweiser commercials where groups of people are having a good time. We crave that. When we get depressed we want to be happy.
Alcohol works its wonders by making our brain go numb for a little bit and makes it hard to remember what life is like outside of that moment in time. This is why so many people turn to the bottle when they are depressed. Once they cling onto the bottle the continue to drink until the bottle is empty, and the next bottle is empty, and the next one, and the next one.
Then one day they are an alcoholic. They can’t get through the day without a drink, but ask them about it, what are they going to say? “I can stop anytime.” “I drink for fun not because I need to.” “It is only one drink.” The people around them will start to notice. They can’t go out without a drink. They can’t be at a party without out drinking everyone there. They need the alcohol to feel happy. The people around them see it, their family sees it, the local Walmart worker selling them 7 bottles a week sees it. The fact they are an alcoholic is not well hidden. It is in their eyes, on their breathe, and soaked deep into their soul.
But isn’t article about the secret life of an alcoholic? It is, but the secret isn’t with the people that know them. The only person who doesn’t know they are an alcoholic is themself. That is why the deny it do hard, they don’t even realize what they are. They can’t fathom that they are an alcoholic. They just like drinking, they don’t need to. Until one day they wake up realize they are spending several hundred dollars a week on alcohol, having a drink every few hours during the day, and then several at night. After years of being in this constant cycle and never truly being themselves they finally realize it. They finally realize that alcohol has been coursing through their veins nonstop for years. And at that moment alcoholic filled tears start to swell in their eyes.
How do I know this? I was the alcoholic. I started drinking at 18 and I progressively started drinking more. I had multiple drinks everyday from several months before my 21st birthday until several months after graduating college. At the time I just wrote off the drinking as “having a good time” but I made so many mistakes. So many regrettable actions, not too mention the things I can’t even remember. Entire days and months gone to the bottle, never to be brought up again. So many things I wish I could change about those days. The worst part is, when I think about that it just makes me want to drink more to forget those things. I am sure there was some great things I did during those times that I would love to remember, but the bottle seems to only take the good ones.
I have learned through my mistakes. I can now actually drink casually with my friends. I don’t need to out drink anyone. I don’t need a drink when I go out. I am perfectly content without alcohol in my system. I never drink alone anymore. I have learned to be a better person. And I hope if anyone else is struggling with alcoholism reads this, they know it is okay to seek help. You do not need to fight this battle alone. Please do not let this control your life.
The Kutty Katt's Thoughts 